Friday, March 02, 2007
Traitor
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Blogging
So yeah, for now at least... I don't know what the hell I'm doing...I love school but I can't focus in the classes and I procrastinate on all the homework. I love my friends, but they can't help me figure out who I am. I love Jason but he always wants to give me advice and question me when what I really need is a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to, so that I can work things out in my head. I love my family but I don't recognize it anymore. There's my mom, who is just wierd, I don't understand how you can distance yourself that much from your own flesh and blood. I want to get close to her but it's like playing with fire. I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I can't even be angry at her anymore because she couldn't possibly understand what she's done to us. My dad, he loves me and misses me and I miss him soo much but I miss our family the way it used to be and the more I see makes me afraid I will never see that again. There is so much that my dad and I need to talk through and I don't even know where to start (it doesn't help that a church counseler told my dad and I "we are wonderful communicators and he doesn't think that we need his help")

And then it comes down to this... My sister only has me as an anchor and I fucking left her...

I can sit her and bitch and complain about all I've been through the last 5 years. But from now on I have to figure out what I need to do for Amber, she needs me.

I'll figure out the rest tomorrow, after I've had some sleep.
Currently listening:
Born to Run
By Bruce Springsteen
Release date: 25 October, 1990

***
i hope you sleep tight and tomarro bringsd better days...