Wednesday, November 02, 2005

"Music makes my heart riot..."
Current mood:Reckless/Restless
Category: Blogging
So... I've been listening to alot of my chemical romance and to the cd Jason burned for me. Alot of sometimes screwed up logic but love songs I suppose. The kind where the lead sings in a powerful chorus that makes you know what love/rejection/ pain/whatever they are feeling so deep you sort of absorb those feeling into yourself. After work today Jason waits for my dad to pick me up and so I'm just sitting there, kinda speechless and he wants to know whats wrong having ESP on me and all:) I can't really give him an answer because I know but its so hard to put into words. It's like my heart is in love, total reckless love... But my head is what keeps me out of trouble keeps me on task and such but its like love and logic don't communicate much less recognise each other within me right now. So I tried to explain and he said something to the effect of he doesn't get me and I wanted to laugh b/c if I thought he would never understand me I'd never have given him a second look. I know he would get what I am saying if only I could say it. Whatever this feeling is it is definitly something to do with love because that feeling, the bottled up, if you don't do something you'll burst if you do do something... you could fall even harder? I don't know what I'm afraid of... It's not just physical but its like if I kiss him, I'm just going to want to kiss him again, even worse. The same with words, If I tell what I'm thinking aloud, then it will all just tumble out. I guess it kind of scares me because what I think just wouldn't work in real life. There are just all these thoughts in my head and every once in a while something pops up there totally illogical. Maybe I'll pray on this. God... Jason I love you sooo much.

***
hey, although id rather be talking to you about this than posting a blog.,. here goes... i now somewhat understand what was up last night... your in love, just like im in love, but you felt a stronger twinge of it last night? adding onto listening to mcr , and at the same time your heads trying to fight it, because like you kept thinking we could get in trouble and stuff... unless that wasnt the real reason at all anyways... reckless thats something that you dont have to worry about, be spontaneous, see what happens, see we kissed right? and longer than i expected so i see you wanted to kiss more but the more practical side of you didnt, i get that now... the talking deal... please dont hesistate to begin spilling out your thoughts on things, i wanna know everything about you, i wanna know how lifes going with you, what your thinking at the time we're together, when we're apart, anything you think about, dont be afraid to tell me stuff.. and tell me what you think no matter wether its really possible or not, because then you've got it out there, and we can reason it, even though you know it wont work, and i may just say well i think its a good idea but you must know its impossible or we cant because of this or that...i just thought of something... but i wont post it.. i cant wait to talk to you again...and we also need to talk about me understanding you... you were just saying that you were in a crazy mood... and you had listened to mcr lately.. if i thought about it i could come up with a billion ways to take that i really could... so please dont take it as i didnt understand you, although i didnt, but i didnt have enough to go on either... and plus at the time i had just been given a very slight(or so i thought anyway) cold shoulder, so of course i was gonna wanna know whats up... well email me, blog me, talk to me, because i really wanna talk to you... hope you had a good day, laterz

love you always, Jason