Sunday, October 23, 2005

"I'd like to buy the world a Coke..."
Current mood: loved
Category: Writing and Poetry
Here's another one, I wrote this at my cousins house after esentially writing a breakup letter to my boyfriend. I thought it was all over...it is as of yet unfinished and I personally hope it'll stay that way. "Apathy is Novacain" 9/24/05 Woke up in a cloud of pain this morning, Not a scratch or bruise just a hangover from the intensity of life. Damn my enduring spirit, but I'll live to feel everything. Apathy is my novacain, little doses keep me alive to hear every word you'll say, Just walk away... I don't deserve you or do I? There are no more answers, Do I fight for you for the rest of my life? Is it enough? Or too much? I've listened so hard my head aches. I take some asprin gaze at the bottle too long for my own comfort. Swallow hard and look in the mirror. I have no one left without you. This lesser of two evils is unbearable. Wish a random act could fix it all. You promised it would be okay but I won't let you make it so, I've hurt you so much I wish I could undo it all.

***
read your post, and the poem, very sad, even sadder because i understood it, and it's more personal than the ones you'd find in an english book. i hope that you don't have to finish it, or if you do, and things between us turn out like we hope, you can add a spin to it.. or perhaps... and i hope you'll reconsider on things being okay, cause they definately will. and make absolutely sure you don't stare at the bottle too long no matter what happens, promise me that. also, don't ever wish for us to have never met, if i hadn't met, i wouldn't have learned so much about life, and what i have to look forward to in life, and hopefully you, or someone especially like you to do it with, without you i would be in my apathy, thats all they shyness was before marcs, and actually around the time you came into my life, was apathy, shyness? yeah right i hate my job, hated most of my life... and if hated is too strong, then basically i didnt what was it banks? give a fat flying fuck.. i didnt care much what happened around me, i was delirious in my life's path, slowly taking one step at a time, not caring where i was headed, stumbling through life, video games being my escape from reality, along with an occasional book...hopefully the fear of any of this is behind us, we'll work through, and we'll especially live through and eventually peacefully,happily whether together or not, you and i are the kind of people that will work for what we want, and in my arms or another you had better get there, and at the end of the road i had better see you at those pearly white gates with no regrets.

your Jason