Tuesday, January 09, 2007

New stuff...
Current mood: thoughtful
Found something I wrote somewhere around mid-senior year: Interesting because it's like looking at myself from the outside...

I'm never too hurt to cry... Always too proud to try... Your staring and asking why? Because something is wrong here In the effort to stop the tears this anger's all I've got as it fades to apathy, close friend to irony, like a vine set to choke and kill me.

Turn back the clock, make it stop, save me. Turn it back, don't give me slack, I'll abuse it, easy to do. All this emotion seem wasted on you. Call to me, come closer when I push away. This has to end ~It's Judgement day. The most guilty of the innocent is the one that refuses to bleed. Make me feel the pain, make it real. Alone lying awake I never heal. Wreckless and timid, No longer livid. You've had so much to bear, You can't see how much I care. It's betrayed under fears cause I can't stop the tears.

Number Dos

Woke up in a cloud of pain this morning

Not a scratch or bruise just a hangover from the intensity of life.

Damn my enduring spirit but I'll live to feel everything.

Apathy is my novacaine, little doses to keep me alive to hear every word you'll say, just walk away,

I don't deserve you, or do I?

There are no more answers. Do I fight for you for the rest of my life? Is it enough? I have nothing.

I've listened so hard my head aches. I take some asprin gaze at the bottle too long for my own comfort, swallow hard and look in the mirror.

I have no one left without you, the lesser of two evils is unbearable.

You promised it would be okay but I won't let you make it so, I've hurt you so much already, I wish I could undo it all.

I know it doesn't rhyme and no, I was never suicidal if any of you wondered. Don't worry guys, this is old, I'm okay...